The Perks of Life.

These past few days I’ve just been walking around school like a zombie, just going through the motions and wanting this week to be over and done with. I don’t know how to feel, I’ve just been numb. It’s really just hard to believe that you’re gone…that I feel like my goodbye to you before you left to the Philippines was so insufficient. Like I had this mindset “I’ll see him again soon enough”. But…as soon as Jace texted us Saturday morning, I had a feeling something was up and quickly blocked it from my mind. I just kept thinking to myself “He’ll be okay” but my conscience was saying “Omigosh, he’s ninety-nine..”. And somehow, call it intuition, but I knew something had happened at around 7:00 pm Saturday night because I checked my phone at the exact time my mom and dad texted me “Your grandpa passed away”. Even then, it was hard to feel anything, I just burst into tears. I’ve never lost anyone really close to me until now. And now that you’re gone, I wish I could have gotten to see you alive one last time, grampa. Its hard imagining not being able to hear you whistle or walk around outside gardening. I’ve been trying to get through everything, but it’s hard to stay strong and appear as if nothing’s wrong. All I’ve wanted to do these past few days was to lock myself in my room and sleep the whole day. I miss you, but I know you’re up there in Heaven gardening and enjoying yourself. You’ve completed your temporary life on Earth…completing your life’s mission and evangelizing God’s word to everyone you know. Now you’re in eternity. I’m glad that you’ll get to celebrate your 100th birthday in Heaven and I know you’re smiling down on all of the family, I can feel it. I miss you grampa…and I love you with all my heart. Thank you for being an inspiration onto my life..you’ve sacrificed so much for the family so that we’d all have a better life. You are truly my hero. Til we meet again..

Been MIA because my grampa Johnny passed away last night..still can’t believe its real :(

Gonna play League of Legends tonight, tomorrow and Friday haaah.. I’m really just over all this stress.

Haven’t felt well at all this morning.. even though I slept early last night, I woke up late and have been feeling super tired til now. I’m sorry to those at school I’ve seen so far pwahaha. I either zone out or give you that “I don’t wanna talk to you” look. Fun stuff.

Pretty chill day today! Got caught in traffic on the way to school so I was late to SI even though I left my house like 15 minutes earlier than I usually do, sigh..but it was alright. Took my Psychology test, hopefully got an A on that..

Then, went out to Guppies with my BFF Westley Huynh bahahaha. Random conversations, spicy popcorn chicken, passion fruit boba, and butter coconut brick toast. Overall good times. Then I went home and Skype’d with Stephen until dance practice…

Tahitian was HELL today because my stomach was burning from the spicy popcorn chicken hahaha. But I’ve apparently been improving..random moment while doing across the floors.

*doing te’i (fa’arapu on toes)*

Angela: Good Heather!

*accidently flashes her*

Angela: HAHAHA TOO GOOD.

Then I went to Walmart to buy some stuff that my mom asked me to buy for her and I randomly saw Denice, Harry, Uncle Denman and Nat haha~ I missed them!

Now I’m home…haven’t had a super good day for a while so today was refreshing!

But I don’t feel like they’re an accurate portrayal of me. I guess that’s the downside of tumblr, hah. Knowing that the whole world can see what I’m posting..I guess you can say that this is only the surface of who I really am.

When I’ve been the victim of lies and deceptions by several people I’ve encountered throughout my life? I try guarding my heart only to be let down over and over. But whatever, I guess. Let go and let God. After all, He is the one I can trust the most.

No more deep thinking ahhh. Must..study..for..midterm…

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I’m so blessed that I’m close to Stephen’s family. Like, even though he didn’t come home from Riverside this weekend, I still went to his house for his cousin’s debut practice (I’m in her cotillion)..and that’s when I realized how comfortable I am with them. Most of his younger cousins call me ‘ate’ (Tagalog for big sister) and I don’t hesitate to say ‘hey bro’ to his little brothers. I can be myself around them, give them advice about their problems, help them with their homework..all that stuff. I feel like, along with maintaining a relationship for 3 years, I also gained a bunch of little brothers and sisters. So, along with my real family and my youth family, I’m so grateful that I have another family to turn to whenever I’m sad because they’re always so fun and chill to be around.